# 2

kichu lal neel churi

jhumko dul

shukno patar rong

r peyajer khosha.

harano ratri din

kebol eke chola

rong dhoa akashe.

tumio to bosey acho

opekkhae.

amar klanto chule

chhayara nibir kore ashe,

ghum debe chokhe? ghum?

kichu shantimoy prem-muhurto?

othoba golapi sopner rong?

Let darkness wrap my body and mind

with a soft peaceful slumber

and fill my eyes with a passionate,

private and dreamless sleep,

as dense as your very presence.

And then,

a mail, a text and a promise

of sleeplessness

for the fourth night at a stretch.

Save my soul tonight.

I give up.

term paper

Thoughts clog.

I am not sure

what to do

how to write

a line that she will like,

academic enough,

formal enough.

Maria Edgeworth

psychoanalysis

and gaping voids

in grounded knowledge.

A loyal daughter.

A mute bearer,

who did not marry

the only man she had

ever loved,

ever cared for,

from the bottom of her heart,

depths of her soul.

she had to have

a clogged heart

and a raging fire

that made her

be so loyal

too loyal

to her dad.

Nothing like a love

lost, battered, bruised,

wings clipped and smashed

against the walls.

Its love, its love,

that smells of a rose

and bleeds....

Maria, i will try

to decipher the wrath

you have so skilfully hidden.

But but but

the term paper thing,

it is so scary.

Invitation

Sunny mornings.
Wet grass.
If u can love,
with all your heart,
really love,
not doubt yourself,
come out in the open
and roll on the grass.
Smell the flowers.
Kiss the leaves
and touch the new buds.
Sing a song.
Hum a tune.
Climb the rainbow
and chase the birds.
But then
if you do
come
to love and live,
don't dare
to leave my garden
when the autumn comes
or winter.
Cant bear to lose
the dew
if you
dont care
dont love
dont bless
dont stay
and leave
listless
without a trace.
If you believe
in fragrant springs
and leaving
behind the winter,
my gates are closed
and I raise a host
of roses
for your name.
May spring come sweet
and make your feet
walk towards
God's Eden.
I am a soul
with tears and joys
words and laughter,
all soiled and heathen.

amader jonno

(1)

Duto janala khola thake.
Amra dujon.
Majkhane ak akash chand.
Amra du-mutho hashir jyostna chhure di.


(2)

Amra khuje choli ondhokar golir majhe
agun pakhir chhana!!
Asholey ki khujchi amra? Nijeder?
Haather kaanch ta ki ayna na magnifying glass?
Amader mukh duto ki ak-i na protifolon?


(3)

Raash purnimar chand dheu-r anchol bhoriye rakhe.
Lal ghor neel ghor amit labanno (no ketoki mitro please).
Kobitar pata ghete khuje chola nijer ostitter chhaya
R kothao ogochore anguler faakey anguler atmo-somorpon

The Escape

i keep running on the mill,

away from my mistaken judgments,

towards a tomorrow i am not sure of.

But i keep treading on the mill

with lots of enthusiasm and hopes of

a fresh new beginning, freedom from

jarring cacophony and invisible

whip-lashes that tear my flesh, from

the goblins who pounce on me

and try to kill me, murder me or

drive me to suicide with sufferings.

i tremble, i shake at the brute torture

i underwent so long, oh so so so long.

i am struggling to breathe now

as i keep running away from the dark.

tell me i am there, that i have reached.

tell me the bad dream is over and

the whiplashes shall not tear my skin again.

o hold me close, i am scared, too scared

just let me breathe, let me live, let me live.

o please hold me close and feel my breath

and tell me i am alive, i have survived

and the nightmare wont be back again.

i just want to hide in you and sleep in peace.

rubber

rubber die ghoshte thaki
oi hiji biji lekha gulor opor
muchhe felte chai
kichu likhito jeebon.
kintu othey na kali
mochhe na lekha
shudhu kalo daag chhoriye pore
r roktakto hote thake
jeeboner pata guli.
bhoy pai
kepe uthi
chhirey jabe na to pechhoner
shada pata gulo?
amar agamir olikhito
golpo ra chhire jabe na to?
rubber ta ghoshte ghoste
khoy hote thake.
tobu bhoy rokto jontrona
mochhe na.
likhte parina ami notun
kono golpo, bhoye,
bhishon bhoye,
jodi abar muchhte hoy
ei bifol rubber diye?

For The Magic-Man -- trying to translate you

This is a song by Rabindranath Tagore.He is the God of Bengali poetry and he is my dadamoshai (grandpa)! He is a poet of all seasons, all reasons, all emotions and all tales. this song is playing in my heart and this post is dedicated to the angel of poetry. it is difficult, perhaps impossible to transliterate his song. but for my foreign readers, i will try. dadamoshai, tumi bhari dustu. bujhi ba kono golpoi nei ja tomar ojana, kono onubhuti nei,ja tumi jano na.

sei bhalo sei bhalo,
amare na hoy na jano,
sei bhalo sei bhalo
durey giye noy dukkho debe
kache kano laaje lajano?

(its better this way,

that you know me not.

if you go far away, i shall weep

but why come near and make me blush so deep?)

mor basante legeche to sur
benu bono chhaya, hoeche modhur,
thak na emoni gondhe bidhur,
milono kunjo sajano,
sei bhalo sei bhalo,
amare nahoy na jano,
sei bhalo sei bhalo

(music has coloured my spring,

the flute and the forest shades have sweetened,

let it remain so in mellowed fragrance,

bower of the lover's union so decorated.

its better this way

that you know me not.

its better this way)

gopone dekhechi
tomar byakul noyone bhaber khela
utolo anchol elokhelo chul dekhechi jhorero bela
gopone dekhechi tomar,
tomate amate hoyni j kotha
morme amar,ache se barota, na bola bani
na bola banir niye akulota
amar bashiti bajano

(secretly i have seen

the play of emotions in your anxious eyes,

the restless veil, ruffled hair i have seen in the stormy noon,

secretly i have seen yours,

we havent spoken words to each other,

in my heart, remains the message, the unuttered lines,

with the restless anxiety of those unuttered lines

i play my flute.)

sei bhalo sei bhalo
amare nahoy na jano
durey gie nahoy dukkho debe
kache kano laaje lajano,
sei bhalo sei bhalo,
amare nahoy na jano
sei bhalo sei bhalo

(its better this way,

that you dont know me.

if you go far away, i shall weep

but why come near and make me blush so deep?

its better this way,

that you know me not,

its better this way)

# 1

Empty reasons and quickened footfalls.

Songs unknown weaving a symphony secretly.

A knowing look and a stolen glance.

Unknown destiny weaving a tale somewhere.

A shower of love and umbrella of rain.

Offering

Among hundreds of flowers

the eyes find its cheer

and some gay optimism.

One white flower amongst

them all I choose to keep.

Heaps of flowers all around

and my heart is happy with

dollops of colourful excitement,

but one small white drop

keeps my senses filled.

I revel in the colours of joy

and one white flower

peeping in from between

numbs my heart to ecstacy.

I stoop to pick, to keep, to care

and stop. Is it there for me?

Do I deserve? What if it is for

someone else who shall make a

garland and the white speck of

simple purity shall deck a royal

neck or His divine feet?

I do not deserve. I have nothing

to offer. I have no rights to gain.

The pool of flowers smile at me

as I offer my dew-wet choice to Eternity

with a silent prayer and a content smile.

Sokaler Kotha

Sokalbelar rod dustumi kore

chokhe mukhe gaale alo chhoae.

Uthe bosi, jhimoi kotokkhon,

janalar baire shalikh gulo

Otho Otho ! kore boddo chechae.

Uthei pori. moha jalaton.

Elomelo chul niye,

folafola mukh, golapi chokh

adhkhana khule kono motey,

ayna dekhi prothombar.

Kolpona kori tar dristi-khani.

Jodi sokalbelar ei aluthalu

beshe, ghum-makha mukh-khana

se dekhto? Ador dito? Na na.
Tar noyon-jora boshai amar
chokhe, dekhte thaki opoloke,
chhute thaki mukh khana
oi ghum makhano chokh diye,
chinte thaki nijekei oi jadu aynar
kacher majhe, r bhabi...

Hotat kamon ochin lagey.

Ki hoeche? Ki hoeche?

Hotat kore ki j holo? Ki jeno besh...

O ma! Besh moja j? E abar ki?

Dekhi pither dikey chhoriye ache,

norom norom sporshomakha

holud ronger sopno-aka,

dui dikey dui dana!

Ami alto chhue dekhi, amar sonali

dui dana, mar badhon kholar dak.

Amar bondho ghorer faak,

amar dokhin khola hawa,

amar sopno jurey pawa, amar

urtey j nei mana, ami peyechi

norom dana.

Tobu bhoy lagey jeno khub,

kon ochin bhashae dub

diechi, sur tulechi, sob bhulechi,

tobu bhoy dhoreche chepe.

Ami bhabchi kar kotha? Amar

dana diye ki hobe? Amar shekol

ache pore, amar lohar boro ghore,

ami baire gele chhute, joto pagla

hawa jutey amar dana felbe chhire.

Premer kajol eke chokhe, abar jolei

dhuye debo. ki hobe sopno dekhe?

Ki hobe kajol eke? Sei byathai debe daak.

Amar dana duto tai thak.

Ami hariye nahoy jaboi, oi surjo-pora ghaase.

The Tryst

I had seen him come through the pale moonlight

on a dark stallion, with a sword in one hand

and a rose in another. His face was covered

by the purple darkness and he had come,

galloping, like a lightning, like a bolt, like a storm.

Tearing the shadows of sad existence he had

appeared before me, his eyes shining like the blades

of silver fire and the rose he held out for me was dark.

His eyes were full of emotions I did not know.

What did he want? The dark rider?

I dare not ask. I dare not dream. I dare not speak.

He bent down as I stared, hypnotised, as eyes swept

my face with a yearning glance and a pleading.

I took the rose and held it close,in a trance

of magic and a strange intoxication.

And suddenly he moved and out of nowhere

I was swept off my feet as he had pulled

and flung me around somewhere. All I could see

was his dark silhouette around me and deep

hot breath on my lips and a burst of colours

in the sky high above.Eyes closed, lips melt.

A whiff of cold wind caresses my flushed skin

as I open my eyes and find myself on the silver sand

of an unknown desert. I look around for my strange

lover but stretches of sand lie all around,empty.

Was it but a dream? Was he but a shadow of a

mind feverish with the sordid loveless life?

The sands know no answer and the cactus sighs.

And then,my palms feel softness.

A dark rose lies on the mellow sand, sweating.

Majh raater lines

janalar gorad dhore bose thake chand
shwet mukhe tar onek khani opekkha.
neel heeme bhore jae sossho khet,

neerob bhasae apluto faka rasta.
kol balishe dhaka thake prarthona,
r ak ayna sopno-bhora chokh hoy sojol.
gacher mora daale kobey
futbe uthey rokto shimuler kuri,
r ak mutho somporker ushno ta

chhoriye porbe rupoli jyostnae.
janalar gorad dhore bose thake eka chand
tar chokhe makha thake neel opekkhar kajol.

The Albatross Speaks

I spread my wings and stand on the highest point.
I may fly. I may not. Its my wish.
And your need or prayers.
I am an albatross, my wings span the width
of the dark night as the mercuric silver sky
shines above. I let out a cry and tear the
obtuse silence. Love me. Hate me. You need
me. If you try to kill me, my corpse shall
hang on your neck, as a sin and a cross.
Redemption for revenge. A hard bargain.
I am within you, permeated through your
existence. Look within, my wind you breathe
and you have nothing inside but me alone.
I stand before you. An albatross, an angel,
Satanic powers, a shadow of love and salvation.
Choose how you want me -- a dark desire or fair?
You have tasted my blood and eaten my flesh.
You cant escape. Come to me bandey, come home.
You are mine and mine alone.